Shelly's pain is well controlled by the morphine pump and that's good. Not much else is however. She sleeps most of the day and when she does awaken she is often agitated and confused. Although she can't walk without help she still tries to get out of the hospital bed we got for her, to go she knows not where. We are adjusting her medications to keep this under control.
I've arranged my computers' video capabilities so we can see her at all times on a laptop that we can move to any room in the house. It is a great help.
She does know who we are but not exactly where she is or what is happening or why. The changes in the past two weeks have been dramatic. She hasn't eaten solids in many days and has great difficulty with liquids too.
I wish I had better news, but as I said, it is what it is and we do what we must. We hug and kiss her a lot and tell her how much we love her. We know she hears everything we say (we need to be careful about that!).
So we watch and wait and try to keep her comfortable and peaceful for as long as we are privileged to be with her.
Each day is a gift to be savored.
12 comments:
Dear Shelly,
It is morning and I awaken with you on my mind.
It is your laughter that I can hear.
It isn’t a loud belly laugh, more of a soft chuckle.
With all that you have gone through,
You have maintained an incredible sense of humor.
Your style is understated.
You will softly tease and jab at people,
As if you don’t expect a reaction.
But your dry, subtle comments always bring a good laugh.
We have grown closer these past years.
We have shared our personal struggles, and our fears.
What I cherish most of all is the laughs we have shared.
You are the person I call to share my silly mishaps with.
With you, I feel safe, you are someone I can trust.
And you don’t judge me.
Like when I told you, “I can’t find my cup of coffee.”
Or, when I forgot Ava at work, and had to go back for her.
You never made me feel “less than.”
And we laughed together.
Even though I am not perfect, I know you love me.
And I love you.
You are someone that I can be “me” with.
Dear Shelly, you are very special to me.
I don’t want to lose you.
Ellen
P.S. If you would like to write a letter or poem to Shelly, or share a “Shelly story” or memory, I would love to hear from you. I would love to know how Shelly has touched your life, as she has touched mine. Please send your e-mails to me at: fivemain@verizon.net
Thank you, Harvey, if I dare say thank you, for keeping us up to date and telling us how Shelly and all of you are doing. I am sure this was not an easy entry to write. And thank you, Ellen, for your beautiful words. Shared laughter is certainly a wonderful thing to remember and happily you have a lot of that stored up!
I will try to write something about Shelly, Ellen, but I don't know if the words will find their way to the page, that is more words than these. I am sadder than you know, more touched by these events than you know, moved beyond anything I can tell you, by the way I have watched all of you rally, love and support Shelly and each other. Yes, each day is a day to embrace together - as long as Shelly is comfortable and peaceful. Knowing that she is there with you and knowing that you are with her through this difficult journey is a comfort to those of us who love all of you. I wish each of you the strength and courage that you need, as Harvey says, to do what you must do. Please give Shelly whatever extra hugs and kisses and words of love you can give her - from afar.
Love, Alice
Privileged is the perfect word to describe how I feel about my friendship with Shelly. Please hug and hold her if just for a minute from me today. It seems like yesterday the first time I heard her voice on the phone, two years have past. All the laughing on the phone like were teenagers again sharing our deepest darkest secrets, how lucky I am to have found her. Rest easy Shelly. Luvu Shelby
All of us at 1010 Pleasant Street send our love. The greatest blessing in all of this sadness is the chance to actually tell someone how much they are loved....before they leave us. We love you, Shelly
I know how difficult this time is.
I described it in my family's recent journey with my Dad as bittersweet.A time for unabashed love,forgiveness, unity,strenght weakness,the gambit.
I have, in the past two months, had the priviledge to spend time with Shelly and come to understand how talented she is. We had planned to knit. Perhaps she could take me beyond my shawl and scarf level.
Even in her weakened state she volunteered to assist me, in her way, with our Hospice fundraiser.
Shelly, I promise that this year I will knit something more complicated and push myself beyond my comfort level, with you as my inspiration.
Thank you Harvey for sharing. The abundant love your family shares love is coveyed to us all.
May you all find comfort in knowing that you have a large network of friends and loved ones who care.
Elaine Porter Clare
FROM BARBARA AND ALAN
From far away, too far away, we're watching the clouds drift gracefully over the sea and wishing that somewhere in her journey Shelley is finding the peacefulness we wish for her and that her heart knows her gentle being resides deep within us as does the abundance of our love for her forever.
Barbara and Alan
God bless you my precious neice. You have been a gift we treasured and that will never change. You are at peace now and protected forever from pain. And I am grateful for that. Until we are together again...
Aunt sally
To all loved ones...In my minds eye, I will always see Shelly in the baby carraige, peering out and around the grocery bags on the sidewalk in front of the house at 1010 Pleasant Street. She had that same smile in the photo taken just a few weeks ago at her Birthday celebration..Through my tears and emotions, I want to celebrate the courageous battle Shelly waged and how long she managed to postpone the unfavorable doctors gloom and doom reports. Shelly Beth meant a lot to so many of us, having touched our lives in so many ways...Heaven just got a "new ANGEL" today ....free of pain and suffering..she is looking after all of us now and I will think of her often he spirit and determination will surely be an inspiration to us all...All love dearest Shelly...UnkE
Dr. Waxman and Judy, Although the pain must be unbearable, you have received the ultimate gift. You were there when Shelly took her first breath and you were there....when she took her last. There is no closer bond than that. Please extend my love to the family. Love, Beth
Dr. Waxman and family, There are no words that can be said to comfort you at this time but please know I am praying for you. As hard as this is on you, the ones left behind, know that Shelly is finally at peace and hopefully that can bring you peace. Love Gail
I am thinking of all of you. Shelly was a wonderful friend and a true gift to me. We always found something to laugh about even in our darkest moments. I will miss so the sweet sound of her voice. She will always be with me. Two long years we comforted each other through thick and thin. I love her so much, she will always be with me.
Shelby Burnash
Please find comfort in knowing how loved Shelly was. I wish you and your family comfort during this most painful time in your lives. I am so deeply sorry. You are all wonderful people that were truly there for your beloved little girl Shelly...
With deepest condolences,
David Buda
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