Thank You
Shelly Beth Waxman died at our home at 1:55 in the afternoon on Sunday, February 21, 2010. Judy and I had the honor and privilege of being at her side as she took her last breath. For this we are grateful. She wished not to die alone in a hospital.
The funeral was Wednesday, February 24 at Sugarman Sinai Memorial Chapel, 458 Hope Avenue, in Providence RI. We were overwhelmed with the outpouring of support and good wishes.
The comments here, at the service and in person as well as the huge number of cards, have shown us facets of Shelly that are new to us. Perhaps we all can learn from this experience - that we should more often take the time to see our loved ones through fresh and unbiased eyes.
That may be Shelly's greatest legacy of all.
You have been so kind and have given us strength and comfort these past two years. Thanks to each and every one of you.
17 comments:
Rest well my dearest Shelly....
We Remember Them
At the rising of the sun and at its going down
We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter
We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring
We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer
We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn
We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends
We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live;
for they are now a part of us
as we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength
We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart
We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share
We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make
We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs
We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live;
for they are now a part of us
as we remember them.
Elliot
“On the Loss of Shelly”
For Ellen, Debbie, Harvey and Judy
A sister, a daughter, gone and not replaceable.
Sweet as only Shelly could be, a voice like only Shelly’s, (“hi, uncle Sam”)
a hug, a look as only Shelly could give.
You rallied around to meet her needs,
comforted, loved, nurtured, made her laugh and,
as Harvey said, the privilege was all ours.
Now Shelly will suffer no longer,
And you and we are left with memories,
and memories forever to fill her absence.
Honored are you who helped so much and comforted Shelly.
Sam Fogel
Shelly
Ellen was, I think, she was my first second cousin, a funny phrase if ever there was one. I remember taking the train and bus from Elkins part to visit Judy at Cooper Hospital in Camden. Harvey was in Korea and we didn’t have Skype back then. I was still a teenager and the trip was an adventure but Ellen was our family’s baby and I had to see her. I had to give Judy a hug. What a beauty this little Waxman baby was!
Not long after that we met Debbie, Waxman baby #2. A different kind of beauty; the image of Harvey in her face. Harvey and Judy were in Massachusetts then and I couldn’t visit as quickly. I met Debbie at my parents house when they all came to visit. Debbie was about one.
Two years later the gift that was Shelly entered the world. She was the sweetest of them all. (Forgive me Ellen; forgive me Debbie.) I don’t remember how old Shelly was when I first saw her but I do know that the instant I saw her picture, I knew she was my cousin. Shelly always looked like Aunt Ann to me. More beautiful perhaps but there it was – the generations repeat themselves. And Shelly had Aunt Ann’s tenderness. My cousin’s daughter. My aunt’s granddaughter. My mother’s grand-niece. The connections are deep and meaningful.
I most remember Shelly with her mane of long curly hair, often pulled back, wearing overalls, with her beautiful hands creating one magnificent object or another. I can picture her smile and hear her incredibly sharp mind at work. I remember her with Marc when he was a baby. We had a few secrets, Shelly and I. My longest phone conversation of all time took place with Shelly one winter evening a few years back when we talked for three hours straight – told each other things that maybe we had never told anyone else. I loved that about Shelly. She was a thinker, someone who felt deeply and cared deeply about others. She didn’t have enough time to share her gifts but share them she did while she was here with us.
I love you Shelly. May you rest in peace. You will live in my heart forever.
LIfe is a lesson in the art of relinquishment. We cling to each other for the time we are here; laughing, loving, being there for one another. Letting go is incredibly painful........but we get to see the spirit of our loved ones who are gone reflected in the hugs and laughs of other. You can already tell that Shelly had an effect on so many lives.....the ripples of her life are sustaining us.....as we bob gently and sadly in her wake. We are all better for having known her.
Barbara Nicholson
Dearest Judy, Harvey, Ellen and Debbie,
The time is never right; despite the pain we are never truly ready. For you this is surely no less true than for anyone else. But hopefully, in your collective and individual pain, you derive some small comfort in knowing not only that Shelly is at peace, but that you shepherded her in this inevitable journey in the most inimitable ways. You held her close and gave her space; you challenged her and pampered her; you created surprises,laughter and amusement at the same time that you comforted her, always sharing her greatest fear with the most gentle love. Each of you knows how your personal creativity, your generosity, and distinctive care helped create a path little known in this lonely and terrifying journey. And, you amazing Harvey, found a way to bring us all closer, permitting us to reach out in our feeble ways, to share with Shelly and all of you, the occasional triumphs, your strength, your pain and now your final loss. I speak for myself but I suppose for all of us. Thank you for this model.
With love and admiration and sadness,
Barbara
I am sending all of you a loving hug.((O)) I'm so sorry that Shelly had to go through such an ordeal but knowing that her family was by her side made the days bearable. Love cousin Judi
Shelly, my Shelly ---I will miss you so much!
Sophia and I found you in the sky last night---"that's the one" Sophia said when she found the brightest star :)
I love you, I love you....I will NEVER forget you....
All my love to you Dr. Waxman, Mrs. Waxman, Ellen, Debbie and Oliver....I am constantly thinking of you and if there is anything I can do...do not hesitate
Love, Carrie
Dear Judy, Harvey, Ellen and Debbie,
We all met at Jill's wedding. I'm cousin Jan from Phoenix. We have traveled this road with you from afar.
We wish you the peace of knowing you gave such love and care to Shelly. So few people have such a gift in their lifetimes.
John Lennon was so profound in his lyrics,"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."
With love,
Jan and Steve Binder
Phoenix, AZ
Dearest, Harvey,Judy,Ellen and Debbie, If only love, devotion, caring and concern were the criteria for longevity, Shelly would surely be here forever. But in a way she is, because as long as any of us, who were fortuneate enough to have known Shelly, are still on earth, then Shelly is still here in our minds, and hearts, and always will be.Surely your blog history chronicling this journey, could be turned into a inspirational academy award movie, or a least a number one best selling non fiction novel.Ellen's adventures alone are enough to amaze the most imaginative writer. The memories that she made possible for all of us are a marvel that I for one will never forget. I love you all and wish there was something I could say or do to help relieve the sadness in your hearts...Just know that all of us are feeling that same sadness, but are holding near and dear the wonderful memories that was Shelly. We love you and are with you in thoughts and prayers, Ernie, Sally, Jeff and Jill
Thank you for the beautiful photo. It's just as I think of Shelly. Even in the most recent months, as her hair was growing back, it had this glow and curl and her smile never changed - its frequency yes but its gentle softness never.
With you at every moment.
Barbara
Dearest Judy, Harvey, Ellen and Debbie,
I just now heard about Shelly. Dan and I and the family send our deepest condolences to you all in the loss of your dear and beloved daughter and sister. This is so much to bear. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Your constant blog about Shelly's condition was always filled with so much love, caring and concern. Your never ending loving vigil over Shelly will be remembered by all of us. I know it helped you be able to get through each day to keep this account of all of her treatment and condition, but this loss hurts so deeply.
We pray for your strength and comfort to get through this difficult time.
With our love and consolation,
Cousins Judy, Dan and family
My Deepest sympathies and heartfelt prayers to you all during this most difficult time. The world has lost a dear, sweet, smart, talented, funny, and beautiful soul. We are allthe better for her time here.
Lennie
My heartfelt prayers are with you all; Harvey, Judy, Ellen and Debbie. I was privileged to spend an evening wih Shelly some years ago, just Shelly and I and I will cherish that time always. I am hugging you all very tightly and I love you very much
Carol
To all you "Wonderful Waxman's"....I really didn't know Shelly and then again, I feel, through all the comments on this blog about her, I learned to know and love her very much. Nobody should have to go through something so heart drenching. Harvey, Judy, Ellen and Debbie, thanks so much for all of your input. Estelle and I will be with you all in spirit as you sit shiva on these days of mourning.
All our love always,
Estelle and Sumner
Dear Waxmans
Although I could not be there today I was thinking of you. At One o clock I threw a message in a bottle into the Halifax River that flows into the Atlantic Ocean. Someone who find it will ready a story of true friendship and love. A story of a women who was loved by so many and will always be. "Our Story" Shelly's and mine and how together we laughed and cried together. I will always love her. I am thinking of you hoping you are feeling some peace.
Love Shelby
To The Waxman family, relatives, and friends, It is with heavy heartedness that this difficult day ends. I am incredibly grateful for your wonderful family's attention and love for my great friend Shelly. We will miss her very much, but will take memories of her with us.
Below is what I wrote for her service had there been enough time:
"Our dear Shelly lived her life with a fierce compassion for humans and animals, deep independence, and a sharp sense of humor. As an original thinker, self-aware, and highly perceptive person, she was incredibly easy to talk to and wise always; I told her many times that she might consider a professional career as a counselor. She shot straight to the heart of any issue in the most loving, honest of ways. When I was having a problem with one of my sons several years ago, she gave me a Shelly-ism that stuck with me in so many other relationship situations: 'If you tell him you’re going to be there to pick him up at 3:00, be there at 3:00.'
Shelly loved to journal. Her creativity allowed her to create her Deductibles business, the purses she made, the animals she made, the jewelry she made.
Shelly loved her mother, her father, Ellen, Debbie, and Debbie’s family very much. I heard all about you long before I ever met your wonderful and vibrant bunch. I would hear about the sisterly bonds, about her dad Harvey and about his love of sailing, her caring mother Judy, Debbie’s beautiful children. The profundity of your care for her in these days, weeks, and years was not lost on her…..she valued that above all else.
Shelly’s compassion for animals also defined her. It’s how I first met her, through our mutual friend Lennie, me being a veterinarian, when we trapped a stray cat that was hanging out by Harvey’s dental practice in Worcester. Over the years, I took care of her cats’ medical needs, and she was deeply attached to them. Her sweet dog Oliver has been a major part of her life for the past few years and a huge comfort to her during her illness. He slept in bed or even on her pillow when she was bedridden. She loved monkeys and elephants.
Shelly adored her friends, and I am extremely grateful for being one of them. We all adored Shelly back.
In the past couple months, she and I had some talks about the end of her life. I told her that as far as I know, one of the main purposes in life is to love and to be loved, and she had done that every day of her kind, compassionate life. And that she was surrounded by family and friends who love her with all their hearts, now and always.
Judy, Harvey, Debbie, and Ellen, thank you for helping raise, shape, and care for your remarkable daughter and sister. She will remain a most colorful thread in the blankets of our lives."
much love, Monica
Shelly was blessed with a wonderful, extra-loving family. The Waxmans thought of incredible things to keep Shelly's spirits up --- Cake decorating, performance by "Wicked" cast - the list goes on. Shelly will be remembered every single day.
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